Rachel Weisz is 48 and preggers

Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig, my forever #GOALS celebrity couple are expecting. The news was broken by The New York Times last Friday.

The click-baity headline is “Rachel Weisz Has a Big Surprise,” which could only mean one thing. At 48, she’s pregnant. While unusual, it’s something that happens every day. So no, this isn’t that big of a surprise. You know what would’ve been a bigger surprise? If she were running for president. Or contracted an STD.

The subheading is even worse: “The 48-year-old did same-sex love scenes for her new movie, ‘Disobedience,’ but that’s not what’s about to shake and stir her marriage to Daniel Craig, a.k.a. James Bond.”

Why would a same-sex love scene shake up her marriage? It’s not like Craig hasn’t played a gay man. I’m so confused.

The lead up to Weisz’s big reveal is the reporter gushing about her “glow” and her editors’ demands to know what her secret is. This is followed by Weisz theatrically pulling up her sweater “to reveal her secret.”

She told reporter Maureen Dowd:

“I’ll be showing soon,” she says, with a radiant smile. “Daniel and I are so happy. We’re going to have a little human. We can’t wait to meet him or her. It’s all such a mystery.”

Is it though? I presume she knows how babies are made by now. The reporter even annoyingly calls it a “007 ½.”

This is PR at its best. Of course Weisz would demurely reveal her pregnancy to NYT. Craig is famously pretentious and averse to any social media (“They both prefer talking about books and poetry and music to social media.” Eyeroll.). Obviously they weren’t going to issue a statement to PEOPLE.

What better way to announce their news than an NYT profile on Weisz and her new film Disobedience? The film, which has been dubbed “Jew is the Warmest Color,” is about a woman’s affair with a rabbi’s wife in an Orthodox Jewish community. Weisz says the lesbian romance wasn’t what drew her to the project, but she apparently read “a lot of lesbian literature” when looking for material to adapt. Uh huh.

I do appreciate the irony of promoting a lesbian drama using the most hetero life event ever.

I’m disappointed that yet another LGBT movie is starring two straight actresses. Not that you can’t get convincing, moving performances from straight actors. I love Carol and Call Me By Your Name. But it would be refreshing to see a queer character played by a queer actor. We’re past the point where it’s considered “brave” to do a gay sex scene. There’s already been backlash surrounding Love, Simon.

Despite choosing a male director, Sebastian Lelio (I’m not sure about his sexual orientation), Weisz insists that the sex scenes aren’t male gaze-y.

When asked whether she talked to any lesbian friends about pointers for the love scene, she said, “Nooooo. You can’t ever ask people how they have sex.”

Hmm. Did she do any research at all?

I know I sound like I’m nitpicking, but it’s super annoying how often the queer experience is portrayed by straight people. Especially when almost every girl-on-girl sex scene is shot like a dude’s fantasy.

The piece ends with news that Weisz is producing and starring in a movie about Dr. James Barry, a woman who disguised herself as a man to work as a doctor. She essentially lived her whole life as a man.

“‘So I’m going to be a bloke,’ Ms. Weisz says, excitedly. She seemed to glow even brighter at the prospect.”

Jesus Christ, enough with the glowing!

You can read the whole profile here. I’ve attached the trailer for Disobedience below.